Beautiful Imperfection

This coming October (I know, still 5 months to go) I’ll be celebrating 2 years with my boyfriend.. =] But we’ve been away from each other for almost one year. It sucks.. He’s in Beijing right now, and I’m in Indonesia.. met him in Beijing in 07, and somehow just get together and fell in love.. we still talk on the phone almost on a daily basis.. but still, the distance is killing me..

He was always ready to make me feel like I’m the only person that matters in the whole world. and somehow, I needed that, I’m always self-conscious, and he used to say I’m not confident enough. and maybe I’m not. Probably it’s the fact that I was once a little on the heavy side, and I don’t like it. No offense, it’s just personal preference. I used to feel left out, not having friends, and stuff, and that might have made me turn out the way I am.

He once said that I don’t know how beautiful I am. and even though that is flattering, I still can’t see how supposedly good looking I am. cos whenever I see myself, I see a not-good-enough-ugly-kid in my reflection. I took millions of pictures, but only managed to find a few that I would consider “okay”. sometimes, I just feel like I shouldn’t care of how others see me, but I can’t help it, its like some force inside of me that makes me feel bad when I don’t feel pretty enough.

Sigh..
<3

This is a poem I really like, ‘cos it kinda shows exactly how I am feeling. I posted this on my Tumblr once, but I’m gonna put it up here again~

-o-O-o-

Where are you tonight my love?

What is it that you do?

It’s true my heart is torn apart When I’m not with you

What enchanted thoughts swim through your head? Are any of them of me?

When, my dear, you go to bed Is it my face you see?

Who is honoured with your presence now?

And do they even care?

The thought of you not being admired

Fills me with despair

Do they appreciate your loveliness?

Do they marvel at your splendor?

Do they love to hear your velvet voice?

Do they adore your smile so tender?

If they do not

Then they all are fools and had you been with me

Every day, my love, you’d be a king because that’s what you are to me

I’m at your feet and I come with gifts my body, heart, and soul

They’re yours to do with as you please to command and to control

I give myself with all my heart I’m yours for all of time

Your slave, your queen, your anything only say that you are mine

— Taryn Grace