Beautiful Imperfection

Lately I’ve been feeling so Alone.. and this time, it isn’t the kind of alone I have felt years ago.. I felt alone before, but I had friends who I could call up and meet up and who would love to console me and make me laugh, and just be happy.. the kind of friends who wouldn’t want to see me drifting towards destruction..

Maybe that’s why I wanted so much to go back to my past, where everything was so much more simpler, and much more happier. I just messaged my best friend in Singapore, who even after I made her disappointed and probably really angry at me, still want to take my apology, and be a friend.

My whole life, I would say that I don’t have much friends, lots of strangers, but little of those I could consider good friends. and the some I have, I wish to keep forever… maybe it’s because I haven’t lived in one place for a long period of time.. I keep on moving here and there, losing the friends I had, and forced to make new ones.. which isn’t easy for me, cos I’m not exactly extroverted…

sigh..

<3

So, I’ve been staying in the city for the last few days.. well, since I came back from the mountains xD.. I’m just lazy to go back to the “village” which is where I’m Staying at. I asked my mother for the apartment key, and I’m thinking of staying there for the next week or so.

Lots of things had happened in the last few days, not only I got my teeth done!! xD it’s like white now >.< and though I still need to come back to the dentist next week to get it even better, but I’m already happy that I don’t have to be shy when I’m smiling.. It’s not that I didn’t clean it, just that there was still some glue left from when I used to wear braces.

Oh! and My birthday is in a couple of days!! sigh, I’m gonna be twenty!! no longer a cute little teen boy I already used to be. T.T I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with my birthday, though since it’s not my 21st it shouldn’t be too grand anyway.. probably just a BBQ at my grandmother’s place. =3

well that’s about it. and BTW~ the picture on this post, though I found it from DeviantArt, is actually a picture of my apartment where I live right now.. so now you know~ =]

…that it would be easy for me…

Sometimes I dream that everything would be as how it used to be. Remember those times, before the hostility, before the pain, before the heart ache?

those days where we would hold our hands together, and wishing the night would never end? those times where I would look up into your eyes and know you would save my soul from the eternal fire? the times where I would honestly close my eyes and wish to the stars above to grant me ONE wish, which is to stop time and let everything stay as it was right then?

but alas.. all of those dreams didn’t come true, life got the best of us, breaking and shattering the dreams I had, slapping me to make me realize the cold hard reality that is our everyday life. well, I wished that I could turn back time now, and change oh so many things in the past.

no. I did not regret anything I’ve done.. just that I thought things would be better had I not made some of the choices I made back then. that I would not be the person suffering all this pain right now. Just if…………